Dreams are a part of life.
For as long as I can remember I always dreamed of being a Mom. When I was a teenager, I didn't dream of college and a career, I dreamed of being a Mom. I wanted a house full of children, at least 5 and to be a stay at home Mom. My dream came true on April 21, 1988. That day was one the happiest days of my life.
I was so in love the moment I found out I was expecting. Even though I was in shock because I didn't expect it, I was happy. After calling my husband I couldn't wait to tell my Mom. She was the 2nd person to know. I was so sick during my pregnancy but I loved every minute of it. My love only grew as the baby started growing and then the fluttering started. I never knew you could love something so much.
It didn't matter what sex I had but I really wanted a little girl. I dreamed of dressing her up in all of those pretty little dresses, shoes and so many things that a mommy & daughter would do. My 2nd dream came true, my first baby was a girl, named Jessica Lynn. How I loved being a Mom and it was everything and more that I thought it would be. Another part of my dream came true on March 20, 1991, a beautiful baby boy, Justin Lee. Unfortunately I didn't get the house full of children but the two I had are loved so very much.
As Jessica grew into a beautiful young woman & Justin into a wonderful young man my dreams for them continued. All parents want our children to have it better than we did. I dreamed they would go to college, graduate, get a great job, get married and then I would one day be a Granny just like my Mom. I wanted them to have an easier life than I did. However, our dreams do not always come true. No matter how disappointed in this we are, we still love our children. My love for my children are indescribable.
I have learned to let go of my dreams because my dreams are different than what my children's dreams are. As each of my children experience the ups and downs of life I either celebrate with them or cry along with them. When they are happy my heart sings and when they hurt, my heart hurts along with them. Not sure if they understand what a parents love is like. One day when they experience that love, they will know that parents only do what they think is best even when it doesn't seem like it. Now that I am older and my kids are grown, my dreams for them are not much different but more realistic.
My kids were so fortunate because their Granny, my Mom, was able to keep them while I worked. They had such a special relationship with her. Unfortunately she passed away too early in life and did not get to see the wonderful adults they have become. Watching my Mom as a grandparent only added to my dreams. How I wanted to be so much like her when I became a grandparent. As my children got older, that dream only increased. Again, my dreams do not always come true. Not sure if I will ever get the chance to be the Granny that I have dreamed about for years. My children have different dreams than I do. I am learning to not have dreams about certain things these days. These days I just have to settle for what life gives me and accept it for what it is, dreams are only dreams.
I hope that each of my children know that I love them more than life itself. Sometimes I make mistakes as a parent but everything I have ever done I have done it because I love them so much and I did only what I thought was for the best. I hope all of their dreams come true even if it is not my dream.
Jessica & Justin I love you more than you will ever know.
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