Happy New Year

It is the end of another year, 2010 and the time to begin a new one, 2011. 

Not sure what 2011 has in store for me but I know that it will be different than any other.

I hope that my children are blessed and some of their dreams & wishes come true during the year.  I love them both so much. 

May each of my family & friends have a prosperous, happy and blessed 2011.

Happy New Year to you!

May every great new day
Bring you sweet surprises--
A happiness buffet.

Happy New Year to you,
And when the new year’s done,
May the next year be even better,
Full of pleasure, joy and fun.

Tearesa

Dreams

Dreams are a part of life. 

For as long as I can remember I always dreamed of being a Mom.  When I was a teenager, I didn't dream of college and a career, I dreamed of being a Mom.  I wanted a house full of children, at least 5 and to be a stay at home Mom.  My dream came true on April 21, 1988.  That day was one the happiest days of my life. 

I was so in love the moment I found out I was expecting.  Even though I was in shock because I didn't expect it, I was happy.  After calling my husband I couldn't wait to tell my Mom.  She was the 2nd person to know.  I was so sick during my pregnancy but I loved every minute of it.  My love only grew as the baby started growing and then the fluttering started.  I never knew you could love something so much.

It didn't matter what sex I had but I really wanted a little girl.  I dreamed of dressing her up in all of those pretty little dresses, shoes and so many things that a mommy & daughter would do.  My 2nd dream came true, my first baby was a girl, named Jessica Lynn.  How I loved being a Mom and it was everything and more that I thought it would be.  Another part of my dream came true on March 20, 1991, a beautiful baby boy, Justin Lee.  Unfortunately I didn't get the house full of children but the two I had are loved so very much.

As Jessica grew into a beautiful young woman & Justin into a wonderful young man my dreams for them continued.  All parents want our children to have it better than we did.  I dreamed they would go to college, graduate, get a great job, get married and then I would one day be a Granny just like my Mom.  I wanted them to have an easier life than I did.  However, our dreams do not always come true.  No matter how disappointed in this we are, we still love our children.  My love for my children are indescribable. 

I have learned to let go of my dreams because my dreams are different than what my children's dreams are.  As each of my children experience the ups and downs of life I either celebrate with them or cry along with them.  When they are happy my heart sings and when they hurt, my heart hurts along with them.  Not sure if they understand what a parents love is like.  One day when they experience that love, they will know that parents only do what they think is best even when it doesn't seem like it.  Now that I am older and my kids are grown, my dreams for them are not much different but more realistic. 

My kids were so fortunate because their Granny, my Mom, was able to keep them while I worked. They had such a special relationship with her. Unfortunately she passed away too early in life and did not get to see the wonderful adults they have become. Watching my Mom as a grandparent only added to my dreams. How I wanted to be so much like her when I became a grandparent. As my children got older, that dream only increased. Again, my dreams do not always come true. Not sure if I will ever get the chance to be the Granny that I have dreamed about for years. My children have different dreams than I do. I am learning to not have dreams about certain things these days. These days I just have to settle for what life gives me and accept it for what it is, dreams are only dreams.


I hope that each of my children know that I love them more than life itself.  Sometimes I make mistakes as a parent but everything I have ever done I have done it because I love them so much and I did only what I thought was for the best.  I hope all of their dreams come true even if it is not my dream.

Jessica & Justin I love you more than you will ever know.

Merry Christmas

I absolutely love everything about Christmas.  The beautiful lights, picking out that perfect gift for someone, receiving Christmas cards, writing personal notes on each card I send out, being with family, baking, decorating the entire house, the cold weather and celebrating the birth of Jesus. 

Christmas was also my mothers favorite time of the year.  I miss her through out the year but especially right now.  I guess it has more to do with change and than anything else.  How I loved going to her home to help her decorate, wrap presents, writing Christmas cards and bake cookies.  As time has passed and my kids have gotten older this particular holiday gets tougher.  Jessica has her own life now and this will be the first year that she will not be at home Christmas morning.  It just won't be the same without her here.  I am fortunate because Justin is still at home and I also have Rob along with Sampson (whom I consider another child).  Change is hard and I guess I will have to start new traditions.

One tradition that was started after Mom's passing was having most of my family coming to my house on Christmas day.  I thank each of them for taking time out of this busy day to spend time with me.  They will never know just how much it means to me to have them with me.  This year there will be 19 people at my house and I couldn't be happier.  I am really looking forward to my oldest sister and Dad joining us this year.  The only one missing is my youngest brother, Dino.  Maybe one day he will be able to join us.

I hope that each and everyone of you have a Blessed Christmas. 

Love,
Tearesa

Thanksgiving 2010

On this Thanksgiving Eve evening I am sitting at home alone thinking about all of the things that I am thankful for.

• God - thankful that he has shown me what my faith and belief in him can do.
• Jesus because of him we are forgiven of our sins.
• My husband - I am so thankful that he came into my life.  Can't imagine what it would be like without you.
• My children - I am so thankful that I was chosen to be your mother. 
• My family - I am thankful for those that have chosen to be a part my life.  Family is so important to me and I love you all so much.
• My friends -  I am thankful for the many friends that I have made throughout my 42 years.  Even if I don't see or talk to you often, please know that I am grateful that I can consider you a friend.
• A job - I  am thankful that I have a job and have been with the same company for 22 years.
• Health - So thankful that my immediate family is in good health.  I send daily prayers for those that aren't so fortunate - My Dad, Aunt Jo, Aunt Vi, Aunt Beulah and the many many more that I can't name.
• My baby Sampson - Not sure what I would do without him.  He is always waiting on me at the front door when I come home and keeps me company during my many evenings alone.  How I love this little dog.
• Forgiveness - Thankful that I have found peace with many things in my life.  I have forgiven many that have hurt me and no longer dwell on the past.

Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for me and it is becoming more so with each passing year.  Since my Mother's passing, my siblings and I don't get together as one big family anymore.  I truly miss those wonderful times together.  Since Rob goes to VA every year to hunt for Thanksgiving me and the kids have always went to a family members for this holiday.  I thank each and everyone of those that have included us, I am so grateful to you for sharing your home with us.  This year will be the most difficult one for one.  For the first time in 22 1/2 years I will not be with either of my children on Thanksgiving day.  Jessica will be working part of the day and then going to her Granny Carolyn's for dinner.  Justin will go hunting in the morning, go eat with his girlfriend's family and then go to his Granny Carolyn's at some point.  My wonderful brother in law, Mike, is coming from Rock Hill to join me in picking up my Dad and driving to my brother Ricky's & adopted sister Francine's home near Charleston for dinner.  I appreciate Ricky and Francine for inviting us, I am grateful to you both for sharing your day with us. 

May each and everyone of you have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving.   Remember to be thankful for everything that you have been blessed with no matter how small it may seem.  There is always someone that does not have it as good as you.

Love,

T-

Christmas Card / Letter

Every year since I have been on my own I have mailed out Christmas Cards every year. About 13 years ago I started doing a Christmas letter to include in the card. It would take me forever to find the perfect card to go that year and to write the past year happenings of all 4 of us. In the beginning they were the cheapest cards I could find because that is all I could afford. Then as things in life got better I started buying ones that I actually liked myself. It was always my tradition to sit down Thanksgiving weekend and start addressing the envelopes and then writing personal notes in each and every card. Last year I think I mailed out about 90 cards.

Not only do I enjoy sending this yearly ritual but I also loved receiving them from friends & family. However, in the past most people have stopped sending them or some have never sent a card. This makes me kind of sad. During the holiday season I have always looked forward to reaching into my mail box to see whose card I would receive, opening them up and reading the card. Truly hate that this holiday tradition is going by the wayside like so many other things.

Now that my kids are grown and have their own lives, I think it is time to end the Christmas letter. Not sure yet because I have already started on this year’s Just not sure if I will actually send it out. Have even thought about stopping the Christmas card tradition that I have been doing for 20+ years. I know this is wrong but why should I go through the time and expense of it when some many can't make the same effort.

So I will end this by saying that if you do not receive a Christmas card or letter from me this year, don't take it personal but it just seems to be a waste anymore. May each and every one that reads my blog have a Blessed Christmas and Happy New Year.

Love,

T

Pictures

For as long as I can remember I have loved to take pictures.  I have 1000's of them.  If you really know me, you know that I always have a camera with me.   I take pictures of everything.  Taking pictures are a way for me to capture a memory.  One day I hope to take a photography class so I can learn how to take professional pictures. 

Every time a box comes in the mail, Rob asks what kind of camera, scanner or thingy did you buy now.   He knows me so well.   A new camera to me is like getting a present on Christmas morning.  I can't wait to open it and try it out. 

About a year ago I started scanning all of my photos, my mother's old photos, & her slides.  Just this past weekend I scanned over 500 photos.  It is allot of work but I am really enjoying it.  Are you like most people and take pictures, put them on the computer and forget about them?  Not me, I am always pulling out my photo albums and my digital photos.  

I even took lots of pictures when 35mm film was popular and have 1000's of 35mm pictures.  This project is giving me a chance to look back at some wonderful events in my life.  There is the wonderful memories of my Mom, Christmas mornings, weddings, my family when we actually use to be one, my children at many different stages of their life, and I could go on & on.  

Hoping my project will one day be able to be shared with my family members so they to can go back and remember the wonderful times in their lives.

Tearesa 

Lazy Day!!!

Don't you enjoy those days when you can stay in your PJ's all day long and do absolutely nothing but watch TV and nap. 

I don't get to do it often but when I do I enjoy it so much.  Sometimes I just say I have had enough, I won't do laundry, cook or clean anything for one entire day.  When I do get this joyous day it is usually on a Sunday and during hunting season when everyone is gone for the entire weekend.

Today is one of these days and I am enjoying it so much.  However, tomorrow means I will be a little busier than normal because I will have to do everything that I didn't do today but it is so worth it.

I hope that each of get one of these days once in awhile.

Tearesa

Another Year Older

Next week I will be celebrating my 42nd year on this earth.  Most of the time I don't feel like I am 42 but then there are times when I feel like I am much older.  Unlike many of my friends, I am an empty nestier and trying to find what to do with this new stage of my life.  It has been a hard road the past year but I am determined to make the most of it. 

Every year when I celebrate my birthday I also celebrate another year with Pepsi.  I started with them two days before my 20th birthday.  Yep, that means that I have been working for Pepsi for 22 years as of Oct. 24.

One of the best gifts this week is the celebration of two of my most favorite people in the entire world, my oldest bother Ricky & sister Carman's birthday.  All  3 of us have a birthday within 5 days.  Carman & Ricky I love you both and wish you each a Happy Birthday.

Tearesa

Being an Empty Nester

Where does the time go? 

My heart is heavy with the quietness of my home these days!  Many tears have been shed!

It seems like it was just yesterday that I had two little ones under my feet.  There was never enough time in a day to get it all done.  How often I wished for some quiet time and that my two kids would just get along.

Now, I what I wouldn't do for screaming kids, a messy house and event filled evenings.  After 22 years I am basically a empty nester at the age of age 41.  This transition has been so hard for me.  My first child was born when I was 19 & my second came when I was 22.  At an early age I realized that all I ever wanted to be was a Mom.  My entire adult life has been about taking care of my family and now no one seems to need me anymore.  It is hard to let go and not be needed by two of the most important people in your life.  Finding a new path in life is hard.    Coming home to an empty house every evening is one of the hardest thing I have ever done. 

I could not be more proud of both of my kids.  Jessica has graduated from the University of South Carolina and is a RN in the OR at Lexington Hospital.  She is the first on my side of the family to graduate from college with a 4 year degree.  Justin is going to Midlands Tech for Automotive Technology and works at O'Reilly's.  He is doing what he truly loves, working on cars.

One of the things I have done to better myself is to get a college education.  Last year I got my Associates in Business and next year I will have my Bachelor's in Business.  It has been hard but very rewarding.  I am still trying to decide what I want to do once I graduate.  I have worked for PepsiCo for 22 years but I am not sure if they have anything to offer.  

Have to find something in the evenings to occupy my time.   There is so many things that I want to do but for some reason I just don't make an effort to do them.  Always wanted to learn how to decorate cakes, take a photography class, volunteer at a nursing home, adopt a child, and the list could go on and on.  I am sure that this will pass and I will find my new path.

I found this poem and could relate to it so well:

I didn’t plant these flowers, they are not by my design
I did not know when they would bloom, or that it was their time
These flowers don’t belong to me, but each one is unique
God’s loving hand has molded them and made each one complete
There’s nothing I needed to add to them and nothing to subtract
I only needed to nurture them and keep them on His track
I’ve watered them with love and pulled the weeds of hate
I’d prop them up when they were weak and tried to keep them straight
I’ve fertilized them with faith to keep their roots good and strong
And gently nipped their little leaves when they were growing wrong
These flowers are a gift from God, made with pure love and delight
But it was my job to tend to them with righteousness and might
So keep their heads turned to the skies, their hearts in tune with God
And they will reap eternal life and walk on Heaven’s sod!!!

Tearesa

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise and find your eyes, all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready in Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind, all those things I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you, and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized, that could never be,
For emptiness and memories, would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, from his great golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you.
Today your life on Earth is past, and here it starts anew".
"I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past".
"But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,
Though there were times you did some things, you know you shouldn't do".
"But you have been forgiven, and now at last you're free,
So won't you take my hand now and share My life with Me".
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.

This is for my best friend whom I lost in Aug of 2001, My Mom.

My Son

My son, Justin, is so amazing.  At the age of 19 he surprises me everyday with his maturity, the decisions he makes and just how he looks at life.  

Next week he will start his 2nd year at Midlands Tech in pursuit of an Associates Degree in Automotive Technology.  While attending school full-time he is also working at O'Reilly's Auto Parts as a RSS (which is kinda like a Asst. Store Mgr).  This semester he will have two days that he will have to attend classes from 8 AM until 8 PM.  This means that he will basically not have one complete day off between work and school.  I have told him to only work Friday - Sunday but he will not agree to it.  He refuses to rely on me to help with his gas and his playtime expenses.  How many 19 year olds would pass up their parents money and suggestion of working less hours?  Not many that I know of. 

I look forward to the times when he gets home at a decent time, comes into my room and lies on the bed just to see how my day was.  There is not a day that goes by that we don't talk at least 2-3 times a day.  It maybe just a brief hey or it can be a long conversation about the events of our day. 

In today's society not many people can say that they always tell the truth, but Justin can.  He is one of those rare individuals that will tell you the truth even if it means that he may get in trouble.   I do not worry about him because when he tells me where he is going to be, that is where he is going to be. 

Everyday I am so grateful that GOD choose me to be his mother.   Justin, thank you for all you do for your Mom and Rob.  We love you more than you will ever know.  Continue doing what you have been doing and I look forward to watching all of your dreams will come true.

Love you to the moon and back, buddy.

Life

It's Friday and normally I love them but today had a rough part to it.   Just do not understand how some people choose to be the way they are.  There is so much I would love to say but I do not want to say something that I may regret later.  The main thing is that someone tried to bully me today in a public setting and it really shocked me.  I think I handled myself well but the shock of it made me so mad that I cried.  Those that know me know that I am a emotional person and can cry at a drop of a needle.  However, I have learned not to be so emotional in certain circumstances and have done very well but not today.  Not sure how I will handle this next week.  Do I do what this person didn't do and take them aside and in a private setting to tell them how I feel about what they did to me?  Do I ignore it and just be uncomfortable whenever I see this person?   Not sure if anyone has ever confronted this person and told them how they feel about how they treat others.  The consequence could be bad for me if it I choose to say something. 

Everyone have a great weekend!
Tearesa

Never take things for granted.

Yesterday there was an accident in town on a road that my daughter travels often and a person was killed. Today I learned it was a beautiful 21 year old young lady. Learning of this was so heartbreaking. I cannot imagine what her family is going through. My children have always been my life and the thought of something happening to one of them is my worst nightmare. Why did this one accident affect me more than normal? Maybe it is because my daughter is 22, just a year older than this young woman.

People take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is never promised to any of us and hearing this horrible news made me realize just how precious our time on earth is. I am sure that this young lady thought she had the world in her arms and her mother had so many dreams for her. I am a Christian and am not scared of death because I know what is waiting on me one day in the heaven above. However, just the thought of one of my children going before me is so hard to think about. Cannot tell you how many times I have told both of them that they should always think about everything they say or do. There may come a time when you say or do something that cannot be taken back because the person you hurt may not be here when you are ready to say you are sorry.

I have the family of Sarah Anne Marriner in my thoughts and prayers. May the strength of GOD be with you during this most difficult time. To all of my family, friends, co-works, acquaintances and everyone that I know, I love you all. If I have every hurt you in any way. I am sorry.  Give your loved ones a tighter hug today or tell them you love them one more time because in a instant our world can change.

GOD bless everyone.

Tearesa

Home Projects

We are working on a big home project.  It all began with new French Doors in the dining room.  This is something that I have wanted for a very long time.  Fortunately it was a weekend project.  Since Jessica has moved out and Justin moved into her old room. We are making his old room into a office/guest room.  It took Rob forever to fix the walls that Justin tried to work on many years ago.  I am so proud of the work that he accomplished.  It is now painted and we then moved moved to picking out laminate flooring.  Choosing a color was so difficult.  I picked out one color/style and when we went to purchase it, they were out of it.  The new color/style I choose is much better than what I had originally chosen.  I am so glad that they were out of the original one I wanted because I am much happier with my second choice.  Justin was off one weekend and he got the bedroom completed.  It looks so good.  Now we are in the hallway upstairs.  Painting the walls the same color as the office/guest bedroom, a brown.  Next we will put the laminate floors down in the hallway.  Not sure if we will work on the bathroom or start on the living & dining room.  I want to do the bathroom but Rob isn't so sure about it.  The living/dining room is the one project that is going to be hard to work around.  Again I am so proud of how great Rob is doing with everything.  It all has to be done before September when hunting season starts so that we will be ready for our big family get together on Christmas Day.  Pictures will be posted soon.

Tearesa

Here are some pictures:

Hurting

Sometimes someone hurts you so bad that you have to make the choice to remove them from your life. It is a difficult decision but you know in your heart it is the best thing to do. Maybe it is because you know that you have to protect yourself from anymore damage that may not be able to be undone. I feel that I have no choice but to make this most heart wrenching choice. My love for this person is incredible. The pain that I have experienced due to this person’s words and actions in the past year cannot be described with words. This decision is not something I am doing easily or lightly. It is the most difficult decision I have ever made, even more difficult than the decision to pursue divorce from my first husband. The lies and disrespect have gotten out of hand. One day this person will regret their words and actions. If it ever comes to that I hope it is not too late. Some people may not agree with what I am doing. First, until you walk in my shoes, do not judge me. Second, after many prayers and soul searching, I have to do this for my own good, not for the other person. I will always love you, hope that all of your dreams come true and that the decisions you have made do not cause you any hurt or harm in your future.

My Hubby

My husband is my rock.  We have been married for 11 years and have been together 13 years.  Do we have a perfect marriage, no but I think it is a pretty good one.  We meet on AOL IM because I share the same name with his mother.  He came into a ready made family and adjusted very well.  My kids loved him immediately.  I was the lucky one between us.  There have been times that he has kept me sane when I thought I would lose my mind.  On our first date I told him that if he wanted children that he needed to move on because I did not see any more children in my life.  At the time he said that he never wanted children and that it would not be a problem.  However, once we married he realized that he did want children.  Unfortunately I had my tubes tied at a early age and after the birth of my second child.  There have been discussions about trying to adopt or getting my tubes untied.  However, I did not feel it was in the best interest of our current family to pursue either of those.  Now that the kids are grown and I always put them first, we are now having second thoughts about that decision many years ago.  Having an empty house is hard at 41.  Many of our friends that are the same age have young children.  It is hard.  Fortunately we have found a new love for one another.  Our love has grown more in the last 2 years than ever before.  I appreciate him more now than I did ever before.  I have always put him behind my kids and my mother.  My mother passed away 8 years ago and then he moved to 2nd place.  Now that the kids are grown and find their own in life, he has moved to 1st place.  I am lucky that he accepted this and waited patiently for this placement.  Rob, you are my rock, soul mate, best friend and lover.  I only see our marriage getting stronger with age.  Thank you for all you do and have done for me and our kids.

Our Family

I am a 41 year old mother of two and also a wife to an amazing man.  My daughter, Jessica is 22 and just graduated from Univ. of SC with a RN Degree.  My son, Justin is 19 and is attending Midlands Tech. College pursuing his Associates in Automobile Technology.  Along with them, I am attending Southern Wesleyan University pursuing my Bachelors of Science degree.  If all goes well I will graduate in May 2011.  Rob my husband, is my rock, best friend and lover.   We have been married for 11 years.  For the past 22 years I have worked for Pepsi and 99% of the time I love my job.

Okay that is a brief history of me.  Hopefully through time you will learn more about me and what my life is all about.

Tearesa